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Entry tags:
uni blues
I often wonder if I'm not cut out for this uni business. It's kinda funny because I'm obsessed with literature surrounding scholarly settings and I'd love to be that sort of person but when faced with my own academic career (if one can call it that), I'm terrified. I always wish to be proactive but inevitably end up lagging behind. I've had a bad run so far this semester with a four-day weekend/holiday turning to another week of me being sick and wracked with nerves. I'm so ashamed of myself.
So, I ask, why? I am lazy by nature, sure, but I suppose it's only due to my cynicism. Of course, I'd work hard if I actually believed there'd be any reward for it. But as it stands, I always find excuses to put off the actual work (not that I even mind it) because it's not as gratifying as xyz.
And if this is my behaviour, how do I rectify it? If I had the answers, I wouldn't have the problem. Obviously an attitude change, but how? Video essayist Karsten Runquist recently did a video lauding Jonathan Van Ness' attitude towards problem-solving. Of course, there's my penchant for the Dao de Jing and the fact that I still refer to it only sparingly and have yet found a way to integrate it into my life. I don't know.
Peace.
So, I ask, why? I am lazy by nature, sure, but I suppose it's only due to my cynicism. Of course, I'd work hard if I actually believed there'd be any reward for it. But as it stands, I always find excuses to put off the actual work (not that I even mind it) because it's not as gratifying as xyz.
And if this is my behaviour, how do I rectify it? If I had the answers, I wouldn't have the problem. Obviously an attitude change, but how? Video essayist Karsten Runquist recently did a video lauding Jonathan Van Ness' attitude towards problem-solving. Of course, there's my penchant for the Dao de Jing and the fact that I still refer to it only sparingly and have yet found a way to integrate it into my life. I don't know.
Peace.