open day: University of Melbourne.

At the start of the year, I met a gorgeous Peruvian girl named after a figure of Greek mythology. She was kind and talented and had knowledge of film that challenged my own. Now Ariadna (nicknamed Anna) is one of my favourite friends and I starred in a short film she's now editing.

Yesterday we both went to the open day for the University of Melbourne (the most prestigious university in my city) and though we both went to the booth for information on the bachelor for screenwriting, and were on the campus at the same time, we didn't run into each other.

Today I learnt that last year she came very close to getting in, but came to Australia to do the final year of high school with us before applying again.

This means two things: my future is is really starting to take shape, and I am now thoroughly invested in the future of another.

I know logically I should be fucking nervous about getting in but right now? I am calm. Borderline confident. My only concern is what to do if I don't get into the screenwriting course: do I study at a different uni in the mean time or take some time off and try again next year? Nothing is certain.

If nothing else, the reason I'm so chill is my copy of the Dao De Jing arrived yesterday! I've been reading and reflecting on it regularly and it makes such a difference. I cannot stress enough how good the book is.

hair.

 A day under a a month ago, a lost my phone and cut all my hair off. Although it was largely an impulsive decision, cutting my hair had a much larger effect on my perception of myself than I expected. I've never cared a lot for my hair and have had many different styles over the years but this time it's different, this time I'm reclaiming my gender.

Ultimately it boils down to not looking immediately like a girl. Now when I see cute boys, I may no longer assume they might be attracted to me (which is a small blow to my ego) but also people no longer know what to make of me. At an event for my brothers' cricket club, one man walked over and clapped me on the shoulder and made some banter to my mum like 'how are the boys going?' before he noticed my face and laughed awkwardly a bit and apologised because he realised his mistake.

I haven't made any effort to change my clothes (I probably came out of the womb wearing a Harry Potter tshirt and ripped jeans) but just by changing my hair, people are at a loss. And finally, I feel like myself.